You had it all, the world,
But you let it rot.
Turned a beautiful thing into an empty shell.
You wonder how it happened,
The day you said hello,
The night you said please.

Memories stacked against you—
Oh, I can’t remember how.
Do you not see?
How you blindly killed me.

My heart was big and full,
I beat, I beat wildly, only for you.
I forgot you held it,
You forgot to caress it.

At least you said sorry,
At least you noticed me.
It’s okay if I was crying,
It’s okay if I was lost in my mind.
It’s okay, truly.

I felt alone,
The majority of the time.
It’s okay I felt stuck,
On the brink of suicide,
Time and time again.

It only hurts when those eyes aren’t lost on me,
It only hurts when I think about it.

But look,
I made you smile.
It doesn’t matter if it was a self-deprecating joke.
You laughed. I saw it.
I did that.

I made you happy,
Even for a brief moment.
I felt my heart warm up.
I felt alive.
I felt seen.

But I can’t be me though.
I need this mask.
You see the real me—
You won’t want me.

I’m not like the others,
My body is different.
My behavior is frowned upon.
Your family says I’m not worthy of you.

I’m trying to keep you.
How much more do I need to do
To keep you here with me?
I feel my soul dying.
Oh, you slept with her.

You want forgiveness,
But I feel I need to protect myself.
I feel I should leave you.
I feel like I am lost.
Everything in me says leave.

But those eyes—
Cry for me.
They beg me to stay.
I don’t understand why,
But I need to stay.

The eyes I love cried.
They cried for me.
I must stay.
I must keep the tears away.

I must try to forget.
This love isn’t healthy.
I feel it suffocating me,
Killing the real me.

I must keep you though.
I must be worth something,
Even if I’m considered worth nothing,
Especially without you, right?

Because those eyes saw me.
But I didn’t let them see the real me.